apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
