everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
