cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
