Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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