blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
