You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think your dad took our porno
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
