Soap is not a condiment
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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