cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
