im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
