He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
