My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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