I want to walk on stilts...naked
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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