She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
