Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
