I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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