were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
