I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
