Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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