how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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