I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
