i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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