i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...