All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
