im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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