very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize