There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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