i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
