Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
