last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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