She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
