I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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