im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
