trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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