Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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