She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
only you would photoshop your dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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