i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Your dad touched me again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
