apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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