Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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