I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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