I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is wine microwaveable?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
