Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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