I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You are a genius and a whore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
