I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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