he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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