i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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