someone threw a dead crab at me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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