Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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