i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
