Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
