This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
