I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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