Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
