I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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