I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
