I puked a lego.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
