I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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