we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
