How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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