so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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