were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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